Sometimes you need to squint to see

I had a glimpse at another life.  No, not another life for ME.  Just, another life.  Glimpses of all varieties of life come and go, but this time, it didn't just walk by.  It stopped.  It caught my eye.  It chased me down and it wanted to talk.  It pulled me in and it even had my undivided attention for a moment.  And nearly just as fast as it arrived, it left.

I say left because, it was not by my choice in any sense of the word.  There is not an angle you could look at this, what I will endearingly call, "moment" in which I chose it's arrival or departure.  To beat this dead horse a little longer, it came to me by no desire of my own and then it left me all on it's own.

Life is funny.  So are people.  And funny, but not in a laughable way.  No.  More of a, funny - odd and sometimes cruel - can't put my finger on it so I'll just tilt my head to the side a bit and squint and still have no better understanding of what just happened.

When a moment happens to you in life - whether it be seemingly good or bad - if you're normal, I would think it would leave you with questions.  Maybe questions like "why?" or "what was that?" or "was it even real?"  At least, in my case I had a thousand questions, and no one there to answer them.

So I thought.  I thought and thought and thought.  And when thinking didn't help, I talked to myself.  And I kept talking.  Hey, sure I wanted someone physical to sit across from me and listen to my tale and give me those answers, but really there wasn't anyone who could step up to the plate in this one. So I did a lot of talking to myself, and ultimately to my Daddy (you know, the "Big Guy").  Without an audible voice, this time, the answers I was looking for even He couldn't give me. 

I'm not telling you that He didn't help me.  He has.  But this time, and I think it's something He's been trying to tell me for a while now...this time, I just don't need a reason.  I want one, and I will always want one.  But, for now and for life to continue, I don't need answers.  It doesn't all need to be completely explained.  And at the end of it all...there may not even really be an exact reason.

My mind screams even as I write that..."But...there's ALWAYS a reason!!?!?!"  Heh.  And that's where a new voice stepped in and helped.  Stick around...I'll tell you about the new voice I heard next time.

It's Friday, I'm in love

I used to be a blogger.  Not much, mind you, and it didn't even last for a year.  But I started one. And last night when I was really inspired and had a lot I wanted to say to no one in particular, something brought my old ramblings back into my mind.

So, I found it within seconds of my search - my old blog.  And instead of writing, I spent that time reading my old thoughts and poems and stories.  Fun to remember.  But, tonight, after my mind has been filled with many other things today, my inspiration is muddled.

Writing.  It's what I planned to make a career out of.  That is, until I realized I had to take speech classes, too.  A little immature and introverted (just a TAD), I chose a faster, easier path at the moment.  And it worked for me!  I got a degree, a job and a schedule and started plugging away at that old grindstone.

But that was yeeeeaarrrsss ago.  ANCIENT history.

Today, I am practically a different person.  At least, I have traveled what feels like an incredible distance from that place.  Now I stand, so often, in retrospect.  I'm not even at middle life, and yet, I look back as if time has past me by.  I'll just label myself an "old soul".  Sounds poetic, anyway.

Labels.  Speaking of those...I am growing to incredibly dislike them.  Ya know, I never really have loved them, but now - at this juncture - it's becoming much clearer to me how debilitating labels really are.  Crippling.  And in some cases, my life has suffered from them in ways that cannot be recovered from.  But, in all cases, it has taught me new realizations.

Life in parenthesis.  That's what this is all about.  This is not my life.  It's just what I have to say in those parenthesis between living.  Those brief pauses when I stop and reflect and remember and even look ahead.

So don't stray too far.  Live in your own moments, and stop by when you might like to sit down with a cup of coffee or a nice tea and do some of your own reflecting.  Sometimes we need that in life.  For me, reflecting helps me to do a better job at moving forward once I've come to terms with what's already happened.  That is not to say I understand it all.  There's plenty that I am certain I never will.  And I'm realizing more and more that...well - sometimes, I just don't NEED to understand it all.

All I need to know right now is... it's Friday and...I'm in love.