The Worst Kind

Togetherness -- 
Or one definition of it:
Occupying the same space
(Can be lonelier than
Physically being alone)

Oneness --
My definition of it:
Rarely exists in the physical,
Yet how it's most often portrayed.

Seeming contradictions
Oxymorons of life
Mental torture which 
turns to physical ache.

Achiness --
Multiple definitions of it:
Aches of pure desire
and aches of empty hearts,
sometimes broken.
Both, in ways, leaving - needing desires.

Conclusiveness --
No way to define.
'Together' means nothing to loneliness.
He roams where'ere he will
Encasing the victim with an 
impenetrable shell,
and leaving the passersby unaware.

Indifference - I cannot fathom
Not while trapped in this human frame.
Seemingly exists, however odd.
Appears to be an easier path
However, painless, also pleasureless
It is not the path for me.
I'll take the pain with the pleasure
Hand over all you've got
And I'll grin and bear it.
This pain stings deep
Cuts, burns...scathes.

Loneliness.
Wouldn't wish it on you.
Or her or him.  Not even them.
Not 
Ever.
At least loneliness, while alone,
Can seek out another.
Loneliness while with another
has no remedy.
Find me one?
I'll bottle up my tears
while I wait for you.
Don't take too long
Please
Have mercy
And I'll come to your aid 
in time.

Soooo...what if you follow the red brick road?

It's amazing how many different directions your mind can go while watching the exact same production, but at a different moment in your own timeline.

That's what happened to me yesterday, sitting down with some snuggle-bugs, eyes peeled on the tele, ears ringing to the tune of "follow the yellow brick road, follow, follow, follow, follow, follow the yellow brick road..."

As the munchkins sung their song, my eyes caught hold of the red brick road, swirling around and directly alongside the yellow bricks, then veering off into a different direction.  Where does it lead?  Nobody mentions it, but it's plainly there, and it plainly leads to somewhere.  I am still wondering, and maybe now I will always be.

Mysterious thought, to me.  I can imagine all kinds of places and things along that different path. All the "what ifs" of a red headed girl's journey if she had taken a different road.  Or maybe, someone else who entered that land years later to have more discoveries of a different sort.

I know they've written a new story about the wicked witch's point of view, but what about a story  with new characters heading towards a very different city?

And...has it already been written?  I haven't read Wicked, neither have I see the newer "Oz" movie.  Maybe there are clues in there.  I think it's time to reach for both.

Ob-La-Di Ob-La-Da

So apparently when you turn 30, life goes on.  Good to know, right?  Yeah.  It's good.  Fine.

The first couple weeks of my 30s have been pretty memorable.  I've seen my first Broadway show, seen some live preseason hockey, attended a Renaissance faire in costume for the first time, visited with out of town family in town, had dinner with friends a few times, seen the season premiere of Parenthood and been to a lovely concert in Philly...been quite busy, so it seems!

I'd have more to say, but Pretty in Pink is distracting me.

My thoughts are muddled of late.  I always have a lot going through my brain, but lately it has been just bits and pieces of things, not explainable coherent thoughts to share.

Been reading a new book, and almost finished with it, but I've been slow with my readings the past couple months.  It seems like my reading frenzy back in June really was just that - an obsessive frenzy that's died out.  I'm hanging on, though.  I still have books next to my bedside waiting to be opened.  I won't give up.

There's a musician who I've admired for a number of years, simply because of one recording I stumbled across entitled "Father".  Every song on that album moves me.  I could quote whole songs and light up social media with his poetry for days.  And now, I'm reading his book CMYK:  The Process of Life Together.  GREAT.  More quotes I'd love to share.  I'm a sucker for the thought provoking and emotional, faith-filled writings.  I love to read and think and hear insights from people who may or may not believe the same way I do, but love to dig deeper and find meaning.  Justin McRoberts certainly does that.

I'm no critic blogger reviewing books and music, but I know what I like, and when someone can connect that's it for me.  I'm hooked. Line and sinker.  The thoughts in that book, the straightforwardness, the love for people, undeniable.  That's what I want.  Love for people.

I think I have a love for them.  I just don't know what to do with it.  I care, I just don't know what to do about the caring.  So often I feel like I want to dedicate my life to helping the helpless, to loving the loveless.  But...I have my own family to care for, too!  I overthink, and then under-do.  I want to grow that to a point where it's the opposite.  I'd rather under-think things, and over do them.  In the positives.