Togetherness --
Or one definition of it:
Occupying the same space
(Can be lonelier than
Physically being alone)
Oneness --
My definition of it:
Rarely exists in the physical,
Yet how it's most often portrayed.
Seeming contradictions
Oxymorons of life
Mental torture which
turns to physical ache.
Achiness --
Multiple definitions of it:
Aches of pure desire
and aches of empty hearts,
sometimes broken.
Both, in ways, leaving - needing desires.
Conclusiveness --
No way to define.
'Together' means nothing to loneliness.
He roams where'ere he will
Encasing the victim with an
impenetrable shell,
and leaving the passersby unaware.
Indifference - I cannot fathom
Not while trapped in this human frame.
Seemingly exists, however odd.
Appears to be an easier path
However, painless, also pleasureless
It is not the path for me.
I'll take the pain with the pleasure
Hand over all you've got
And I'll grin and bear it.
This pain stings deep
Cuts, burns...scathes.
Loneliness.
Wouldn't wish it on you.
Or her or him. Not even them.
Not
Ever.
At least loneliness, while alone,
Can seek out another.
Loneliness while with another
has no remedy.
Find me one?
I'll bottle up my tears
while I wait for you.
Don't take too long
Please
Have mercy
And I'll come to your aid
in time.
Monday, October 21, 2013
Monday, October 7, 2013
Soooo...what if you follow the red brick road?
It's amazing how many different directions your mind can go while watching the exact same production, but at a different moment in your own timeline.
That's what happened to me yesterday, sitting down with some snuggle-bugs, eyes peeled on the tele, ears ringing to the tune of "follow the yellow brick road, follow, follow, follow, follow, follow the yellow brick road..."
As the munchkins sung their song, my eyes caught hold of the red brick road, swirling around and directly alongside the yellow bricks, then veering off into a different direction. Where does it lead? Nobody mentions it, but it's plainly there, and it plainly leads to somewhere. I am still wondering, and maybe now I will always be.
Mysterious thought, to me. I can imagine all kinds of places and things along that different path. All the "what ifs" of a red headed girl's journey if she had taken a different road. Or maybe, someone else who entered that land years later to have more discoveries of a different sort.
I know they've written a new story about the wicked witch's point of view, but what about a story with new characters heading towards a very different city?
And...has it already been written? I haven't read Wicked, neither have I see the newer "Oz" movie. Maybe there are clues in there. I think it's time to reach for both.
That's what happened to me yesterday, sitting down with some snuggle-bugs, eyes peeled on the tele, ears ringing to the tune of "follow the yellow brick road, follow, follow, follow, follow, follow the yellow brick road..."
As the munchkins sung their song, my eyes caught hold of the red brick road, swirling around and directly alongside the yellow bricks, then veering off into a different direction. Where does it lead? Nobody mentions it, but it's plainly there, and it plainly leads to somewhere. I am still wondering, and maybe now I will always be.
Mysterious thought, to me. I can imagine all kinds of places and things along that different path. All the "what ifs" of a red headed girl's journey if she had taken a different road. Or maybe, someone else who entered that land years later to have more discoveries of a different sort.
I know they've written a new story about the wicked witch's point of view, but what about a story with new characters heading towards a very different city?
And...has it already been written? I haven't read Wicked, neither have I see the newer "Oz" movie. Maybe there are clues in there. I think it's time to reach for both.
Thursday, October 3, 2013
Ob-La-Di Ob-La-Da
So apparently when you turn 30, life goes on. Good to know, right? Yeah. It's good. Fine.
The first couple weeks of my 30s have been pretty memorable. I've seen my first Broadway show, seen some live preseason hockey, attended a Renaissance faire in costume for the first time, visited with out of town family in town, had dinner with friends a few times, seen the season premiere of Parenthood and been to a lovely concert in Philly...been quite busy, so it seems!
I'd have more to say, but Pretty in Pink is distracting me.
My thoughts are muddled of late. I always have a lot going through my brain, but lately it has been just bits and pieces of things, not explainable coherent thoughts to share.
Been reading a new book, and almost finished with it, but I've been slow with my readings the past couple months. It seems like my reading frenzy back in June really was just that - an obsessive frenzy that's died out. I'm hanging on, though. I still have books next to my bedside waiting to be opened. I won't give up.
There's a musician who I've admired for a number of years, simply because of one recording I stumbled across entitled "Father". Every song on that album moves me. I could quote whole songs and light up social media with his poetry for days. And now, I'm reading his book CMYK: The Process of Life Together. GREAT. More quotes I'd love to share. I'm a sucker for the thought provoking and emotional, faith-filled writings. I love to read and think and hear insights from people who may or may not believe the same way I do, but love to dig deeper and find meaning. Justin McRoberts certainly does that.
I'm no critic blogger reviewing books and music, but I know what I like, and when someone can connect that's it for me. I'm hooked. Line and sinker. The thoughts in that book, the straightforwardness, the love for people, undeniable. That's what I want. Love for people.
I think I have a love for them. I just don't know what to do with it. I care, I just don't know what to do about the caring. So often I feel like I want to dedicate my life to helping the helpless, to loving the loveless. But...I have my own family to care for, too! I overthink, and then under-do. I want to grow that to a point where it's the opposite. I'd rather under-think things, and over do them. In the positives.
The first couple weeks of my 30s have been pretty memorable. I've seen my first Broadway show, seen some live preseason hockey, attended a Renaissance faire in costume for the first time, visited with out of town family in town, had dinner with friends a few times, seen the season premiere of Parenthood and been to a lovely concert in Philly...been quite busy, so it seems!
I'd have more to say, but Pretty in Pink is distracting me.
My thoughts are muddled of late. I always have a lot going through my brain, but lately it has been just bits and pieces of things, not explainable coherent thoughts to share.
Been reading a new book, and almost finished with it, but I've been slow with my readings the past couple months. It seems like my reading frenzy back in June really was just that - an obsessive frenzy that's died out. I'm hanging on, though. I still have books next to my bedside waiting to be opened. I won't give up.
There's a musician who I've admired for a number of years, simply because of one recording I stumbled across entitled "Father". Every song on that album moves me. I could quote whole songs and light up social media with his poetry for days. And now, I'm reading his book CMYK: The Process of Life Together. GREAT. More quotes I'd love to share. I'm a sucker for the thought provoking and emotional, faith-filled writings. I love to read and think and hear insights from people who may or may not believe the same way I do, but love to dig deeper and find meaning. Justin McRoberts certainly does that.
I'm no critic blogger reviewing books and music, but I know what I like, and when someone can connect that's it for me. I'm hooked. Line and sinker. The thoughts in that book, the straightforwardness, the love for people, undeniable. That's what I want. Love for people.
I think I have a love for them. I just don't know what to do with it. I care, I just don't know what to do about the caring. So often I feel like I want to dedicate my life to helping the helpless, to loving the loveless. But...I have my own family to care for, too! I overthink, and then under-do. I want to grow that to a point where it's the opposite. I'd rather under-think things, and over do them. In the positives.
Monday, September 16, 2013
Wisdom of a Dying Twenty Something
Okay, scratch the wisdom part. And in a few hours, the twenty something.
The last post was one I meant to write days ago and didn't get to it. And tonight with the impending new century looming, I thought, why not write an extra posting? Get a few last words in before I slip into oblivion.
Alright, I know. 30 is far from a death sentence. In fact, I'm gonna bet that it'll be a better year than the last. In some respects it will not be hard to outdo!
My year in review...
Made lots of mistakes. Again. Still have a to do list no shorter than before. I helped some people, hurt some others, said too much, said too little, loved a lot, withheld affection, reached some goals, wrote some others.
The thing I remember most from all of the things I remember happening this year...I have learned some amazing lessons. Some from falling, some from rising. Eh, mostly from falling. It's a shame sometimes that we can't get it together before we start passing on what we know! This life journey is a mystery. An unraveling mystery that sometimes even changes right in the middle.
I have also made some amazing friends and connections. None of which I am willing to erase from my timeline. Each one holds a special space in my mind, with the good and the bad.
I'd like to think I've matured, and I know that in some ways I have. In no way have I arrived, nor will I ever until I reach the other side of the river.
But, I am in love. And I always will be. With what? who? Oh, I dunno. I mean, so many things. Tonight I just really feel love. And I don't mean that I feel loved. I just inwardly, feel love. Maybe it's just the waxing gibbous moon out tonight. Close enough to full to start effecting me.
And while this starts to become an incredible ramble, I think I'll finish off with something I wrote just two evenings ago.
Transformation
What do you see?
Eyes narrowed, sifting light
Dark shimmering wisps
teasing the imagery
What's left when the smoke clears?
Standing solidly, a brutish form
Some would cower or shiver -
But not you.
You sense his thoughts,
Fills you with intrigue to learn more,
See his next move.
Eyes widen, taking a full perspective
Allowing detail to build
Until each shade of color shows
Brutish turns to hideous
Still, something draws
No fear, only desire.
A breeze brushes over sensitive skin
Hair bristles, sending a shiver
Eyes soften.
Hideous turns to helpless
Only one response is proper -
Outstretched hand.
A step closer, with quizzical silence
Hesitant while time stops.
A decision is made - hand grasping
Hand holds, cares
Helpless becomes Beauty.
The last post was one I meant to write days ago and didn't get to it. And tonight with the impending new century looming, I thought, why not write an extra posting? Get a few last words in before I slip into oblivion.
Alright, I know. 30 is far from a death sentence. In fact, I'm gonna bet that it'll be a better year than the last. In some respects it will not be hard to outdo!
My year in review...
Made lots of mistakes. Again. Still have a to do list no shorter than before. I helped some people, hurt some others, said too much, said too little, loved a lot, withheld affection, reached some goals, wrote some others.
The thing I remember most from all of the things I remember happening this year...I have learned some amazing lessons. Some from falling, some from rising. Eh, mostly from falling. It's a shame sometimes that we can't get it together before we start passing on what we know! This life journey is a mystery. An unraveling mystery that sometimes even changes right in the middle.
I have also made some amazing friends and connections. None of which I am willing to erase from my timeline. Each one holds a special space in my mind, with the good and the bad.
I'd like to think I've matured, and I know that in some ways I have. In no way have I arrived, nor will I ever until I reach the other side of the river.
But, I am in love. And I always will be. With what? who? Oh, I dunno. I mean, so many things. Tonight I just really feel love. And I don't mean that I feel loved. I just inwardly, feel love. Maybe it's just the waxing gibbous moon out tonight. Close enough to full to start effecting me.
And while this starts to become an incredible ramble, I think I'll finish off with something I wrote just two evenings ago.
Transformation
What do you see?
Eyes narrowed, sifting light
Dark shimmering wisps
teasing the imagery
What's left when the smoke clears?
Standing solidly, a brutish form
Some would cower or shiver -
But not you.
You sense his thoughts,
Fills you with intrigue to learn more,
See his next move.
Eyes widen, taking a full perspective
Allowing detail to build
Until each shade of color shows
Brutish turns to hideous
Still, something draws
No fear, only desire.
A breeze brushes over sensitive skin
Hair bristles, sending a shiver
Eyes soften.
Hideous turns to helpless
Only one response is proper -
Outstretched hand.
A step closer, with quizzical silence
Hesitant while time stops.
A decision is made - hand grasping
Hand holds, cares
Helpless becomes Beauty.
Simple Words
"I love you forever...and EVER...and EVER. And I'm NOT going to change my mind."
Those few simple words. They cut me deep, specifically when my ears heard those words spoken from my son's lips. Little does he realize what those words mean. Neither does he regard the fact that tomorrow he may be spouting out very different word formations to the exact same recipient.
But even though tomorrow he may say "Mom, I'm not your friend anymore because you won't let me have that cookie", I cherish the loving words from before all the more.
It may seem silly, but when he said that to me the other night, it painted a picture in my mind of what I do with my own Father. My heavenly One.
There are so many times when I tell him that I love him. When I want to jump up and embrace him and just snuggle in close and rest. When my heart is filled with contentment and satisfaction, and I am bubbling over. In those times I just am sooo in love. And being the emotional and loving Father he is, I KNOW...and especially now, I really KNOW how he feels when he hears that. And I know what he feels when later that same day I am crying and throwing things in his general direction protesting some injustice I despise.
And yet, there he sits...gently remembering that really, deep down, it's love that I have for him, and he loves me beyond any other comprehension. And he still smiles, and he still comforts and he simply loves me. Although, it's really far from simple. It's deep and complex. And even in those moments of fitful passion he reminds me of his love.
Let me tell ya...being a parent, it is unbelievably and indescribably eye-opening. Heart wrenching, unlimited love pouring, even wounding. But you are stuck. I mean, the love you have, it just grows and grows. Of course I have moments, and I am human to the core. But a minute after the rough moment, the love comes rushing back in and I'm head over heels again.
Those few simple words. They cut me deep, specifically when my ears heard those words spoken from my son's lips. Little does he realize what those words mean. Neither does he regard the fact that tomorrow he may be spouting out very different word formations to the exact same recipient.
But even though tomorrow he may say "Mom, I'm not your friend anymore because you won't let me have that cookie", I cherish the loving words from before all the more.
It may seem silly, but when he said that to me the other night, it painted a picture in my mind of what I do with my own Father. My heavenly One.
There are so many times when I tell him that I love him. When I want to jump up and embrace him and just snuggle in close and rest. When my heart is filled with contentment and satisfaction, and I am bubbling over. In those times I just am sooo in love. And being the emotional and loving Father he is, I KNOW...and especially now, I really KNOW how he feels when he hears that. And I know what he feels when later that same day I am crying and throwing things in his general direction protesting some injustice I despise.
And yet, there he sits...gently remembering that really, deep down, it's love that I have for him, and he loves me beyond any other comprehension. And he still smiles, and he still comforts and he simply loves me. Although, it's really far from simple. It's deep and complex. And even in those moments of fitful passion he reminds me of his love.
Let me tell ya...being a parent, it is unbelievably and indescribably eye-opening. Heart wrenching, unlimited love pouring, even wounding. But you are stuck. I mean, the love you have, it just grows and grows. Of course I have moments, and I am human to the core. But a minute after the rough moment, the love comes rushing back in and I'm head over heels again.
Saturday, September 7, 2013
Jump
I want to jump into the sky
Let it swallow me whole in its vastness
Throw me overboard into the sea of stars
And hold my breath as I float away.
No struggling
No swimming, flailing limbs
I won't change my mind
I'm commited to this climate change
Let it swallow me whole in its vastness
Throw me overboard into the sea of stars
And hold my breath as I float away.
No struggling
No swimming, flailing limbs
I won't change my mind
I'm commited to this climate change
Thursday, September 5, 2013
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
Give me a Reason
Are you like me? Do you always want answers?
Well, I'm here to tell you, they are not as easy to come by as one might think.
But, I'm gradually learning (veeeeeerry gradually, sometimes painfully slow) that you don't always need an answer. In fact, really, you don't always need the questions! I am a pretty firm believer in questioning things. I think that's one great way we grow and learn. But there's a point where the only place questions get you is STUCK. Unable to move forward. And that's not growing at all.
I told you that there was a voice that I heard. It gave me some insights into my questions. A few different voices, actually. I started reading, and throughout the book rose a few points that resonated with me and have been a solid stepping stone in this upward climb.
The first thing my readings reminded me of is something super simple, but so often is something that's been hard for me personally and daily needing focus correction on it. That is, we only have the NOW...that is the place we need to live in. In conjunction with that, sometimes it's necessary to fall before you can rise up. That's a theme that I think many can understand, and it's one that's seen throughout history - reality and fiction and everything in between.
Secondly, or thirdly?...We as humans are so quick to jump into judging a situation, labeling it and then wanting an immediate response and solution. Resolution, solution - they sound like a good thing to want, right? Well...not if we rush into it to the extent that we miss out on the experience and what we were intended to learn from it. Bing! That's me! And in this particular, as well as a number of other situations in my life this past year, I'd become so focused on resolution and closure and making sure everything is crystal clear that I am not even thinking about where it was meant to take me!
I don't need to grasp it all. There will always been some doubt, some things unsure, contradictions and other seemingly negative parts that may not be truly negative at all. But whatever happens, I will not rush to resolve it all. When I think I could be rushing to resolve a problem, I could actually be rushing to miss out on important processes of learning.
Essentially, I'm learning to accept. Simply accept. This is life. What happens to me or around me are not things that I can always control. And when things don't go my way, crossing my arms and stomping my feet haven't seemed to work out too well.
Ego. Isn't that the man we find behind the curtain after so many of our downfalls? The author Richard Rohr wrote, "I have prayed for years for one good humiliation a day, and then I must watch my reaction to it." Isn't THAT an amazing way to look into the mirror?! And such a bold petition! On that same topic of ego, I heard a message on pride recently. I knew something would jump out at me with a topic like that so I listened intently and jotted down notes until I heard what I needed to hear.
Pride is not trusting God, not fearing God,...okay okay, yes, check, got it. Pride is living for the praise of man and trying to build our reputation. Hmm. Wow. If I'm following the One who "made himself of no reputation"...why would I need to be concerned with that? Do I want a good name, yes. Do I want to live in a way to positively affect other people, Oooh yes. Do I need to concern myself with how everyone looks at me or hears me? No.
But wait! How am I supposed to positively affect others and love if I'm not concerned about what they think of me? Balance. The problem appears when that concern is more out of self interest. There will always be those who don't get me, even people I thought should or would. I can only do so much, and then I need to let it go. It goes right along with what I said earlier about being overly concerned about everything needing resolution.
Balance. It's all about balance. Learning that life is not a straight line. Life is full of contradictions. Confusion. Suffering, necessary and the opposite. Love and lost love. Reason and Faith. Without both halves, it's no journey I want to be on. No destination I want to travel to. It's not really LIVING!
My questions are still there. I still want answers. Hanging onto my immature concerns. I have quite a way to go, but I'll walk, maybe take the scenic route and search for that deeper journey.
Well, I'm here to tell you, they are not as easy to come by as one might think.
But, I'm gradually learning (veeeeeerry gradually, sometimes painfully slow) that you don't always need an answer. In fact, really, you don't always need the questions! I am a pretty firm believer in questioning things. I think that's one great way we grow and learn. But there's a point where the only place questions get you is STUCK. Unable to move forward. And that's not growing at all.
I told you that there was a voice that I heard. It gave me some insights into my questions. A few different voices, actually. I started reading, and throughout the book rose a few points that resonated with me and have been a solid stepping stone in this upward climb.
The first thing my readings reminded me of is something super simple, but so often is something that's been hard for me personally and daily needing focus correction on it. That is, we only have the NOW...that is the place we need to live in. In conjunction with that, sometimes it's necessary to fall before you can rise up. That's a theme that I think many can understand, and it's one that's seen throughout history - reality and fiction and everything in between.
Secondly, or thirdly?...We as humans are so quick to jump into judging a situation, labeling it and then wanting an immediate response and solution. Resolution, solution - they sound like a good thing to want, right? Well...not if we rush into it to the extent that we miss out on the experience and what we were intended to learn from it. Bing! That's me! And in this particular, as well as a number of other situations in my life this past year, I'd become so focused on resolution and closure and making sure everything is crystal clear that I am not even thinking about where it was meant to take me!
I don't need to grasp it all. There will always been some doubt, some things unsure, contradictions and other seemingly negative parts that may not be truly negative at all. But whatever happens, I will not rush to resolve it all. When I think I could be rushing to resolve a problem, I could actually be rushing to miss out on important processes of learning.
Essentially, I'm learning to accept. Simply accept. This is life. What happens to me or around me are not things that I can always control. And when things don't go my way, crossing my arms and stomping my feet haven't seemed to work out too well.
Ego. Isn't that the man we find behind the curtain after so many of our downfalls? The author Richard Rohr wrote, "I have prayed for years for one good humiliation a day, and then I must watch my reaction to it." Isn't THAT an amazing way to look into the mirror?! And such a bold petition! On that same topic of ego, I heard a message on pride recently. I knew something would jump out at me with a topic like that so I listened intently and jotted down notes until I heard what I needed to hear.
Pride is not trusting God, not fearing God,...okay okay, yes, check, got it. Pride is living for the praise of man and trying to build our reputation. Hmm. Wow. If I'm following the One who "made himself of no reputation"...why would I need to be concerned with that? Do I want a good name, yes. Do I want to live in a way to positively affect other people, Oooh yes. Do I need to concern myself with how everyone looks at me or hears me? No.
But wait! How am I supposed to positively affect others and love if I'm not concerned about what they think of me? Balance. The problem appears when that concern is more out of self interest. There will always be those who don't get me, even people I thought should or would. I can only do so much, and then I need to let it go. It goes right along with what I said earlier about being overly concerned about everything needing resolution.
Balance. It's all about balance. Learning that life is not a straight line. Life is full of contradictions. Confusion. Suffering, necessary and the opposite. Love and lost love. Reason and Faith. Without both halves, it's no journey I want to be on. No destination I want to travel to. It's not really LIVING!
My questions are still there. I still want answers. Hanging onto my immature concerns. I have quite a way to go, but I'll walk, maybe take the scenic route and search for that deeper journey.
Saturday, August 31, 2013
Sometimes you need to squint to see
I had a glimpse at another life. No, not another life for ME. Just, another life. Glimpses of all varieties of life come and go, but this time, it didn't just walk by. It stopped. It caught my eye. It chased me down and it wanted to talk. It pulled me in and it even had my undivided attention for a moment. And nearly just as fast as it arrived, it left.
I say left because, it was not by my choice in any sense of the word. There is not an angle you could look at this, what I will endearingly call, "moment" in which I chose it's arrival or departure. To beat this dead horse a little longer, it came to me by no desire of my own and then it left me all on it's own.
Life is funny. So are people. And funny, but not in a laughable way. No. More of a, funny - odd and sometimes cruel - can't put my finger on it so I'll just tilt my head to the side a bit and squint and still have no better understanding of what just happened.
When a moment happens to you in life - whether it be seemingly good or bad - if you're normal, I would think it would leave you with questions. Maybe questions like "why?" or "what was that?" or "was it even real?" At least, in my case I had a thousand questions, and no one there to answer them.
So I thought. I thought and thought and thought. And when thinking didn't help, I talked to myself. And I kept talking. Hey, sure I wanted someone physical to sit across from me and listen to my tale and give me those answers, but really there wasn't anyone who could step up to the plate in this one. So I did a lot of talking to myself, and ultimately to my Daddy (you know, the "Big Guy"). Without an audible voice, this time, the answers I was looking for even He couldn't give me.
I'm not telling you that He didn't help me. He has. But this time, and I think it's something He's been trying to tell me for a while now...this time, I just don't need a reason. I want one, and I will always want one. But, for now and for life to continue, I don't need answers. It doesn't all need to be completely explained. And at the end of it all...there may not even really be an exact reason.
My mind screams even as I write that..."But...there's ALWAYS a reason!!?!?!" Heh. And that's where a new voice stepped in and helped. Stick around...I'll tell you about the new voice I heard next time.
I say left because, it was not by my choice in any sense of the word. There is not an angle you could look at this, what I will endearingly call, "moment" in which I chose it's arrival or departure. To beat this dead horse a little longer, it came to me by no desire of my own and then it left me all on it's own.
Life is funny. So are people. And funny, but not in a laughable way. No. More of a, funny - odd and sometimes cruel - can't put my finger on it so I'll just tilt my head to the side a bit and squint and still have no better understanding of what just happened.
When a moment happens to you in life - whether it be seemingly good or bad - if you're normal, I would think it would leave you with questions. Maybe questions like "why?" or "what was that?" or "was it even real?" At least, in my case I had a thousand questions, and no one there to answer them.
So I thought. I thought and thought and thought. And when thinking didn't help, I talked to myself. And I kept talking. Hey, sure I wanted someone physical to sit across from me and listen to my tale and give me those answers, but really there wasn't anyone who could step up to the plate in this one. So I did a lot of talking to myself, and ultimately to my Daddy (you know, the "Big Guy"). Without an audible voice, this time, the answers I was looking for even He couldn't give me.
I'm not telling you that He didn't help me. He has. But this time, and I think it's something He's been trying to tell me for a while now...this time, I just don't need a reason. I want one, and I will always want one. But, for now and for life to continue, I don't need answers. It doesn't all need to be completely explained. And at the end of it all...there may not even really be an exact reason.
My mind screams even as I write that..."But...there's ALWAYS a reason!!?!?!" Heh. And that's where a new voice stepped in and helped. Stick around...I'll tell you about the new voice I heard next time.
Friday, August 30, 2013
It's Friday, I'm in love
I used to be a blogger. Not much, mind you, and it didn't even last for a year. But I started one. And last night when I was really inspired and had a lot I wanted to say to no one in particular, something brought my old ramblings back into my mind.
So, I found it within seconds of my search - my old blog. And instead of writing, I spent that time reading my old thoughts and poems and stories. Fun to remember. But, tonight, after my mind has been filled with many other things today, my inspiration is muddled.
Writing. It's what I planned to make a career out of. That is, until I realized I had to take speech classes, too. A little immature and introverted (just a TAD), I chose a faster, easier path at the moment. And it worked for me! I got a degree, a job and a schedule and started plugging away at that old grindstone.
But that was yeeeeaarrrsss ago. ANCIENT history.
Today, I am practically a different person. At least, I have traveled what feels like an incredible distance from that place. Now I stand, so often, in retrospect. I'm not even at middle life, and yet, I look back as if time has past me by. I'll just label myself an "old soul". Sounds poetic, anyway.
Labels. Speaking of those...I am growing to incredibly dislike them. Ya know, I never really have loved them, but now - at this juncture - it's becoming much clearer to me how debilitating labels really are. Crippling. And in some cases, my life has suffered from them in ways that cannot be recovered from. But, in all cases, it has taught me new realizations.
Life in parenthesis. That's what this is all about. This is not my life. It's just what I have to say in those parenthesis between living. Those brief pauses when I stop and reflect and remember and even look ahead.
So don't stray too far. Live in your own moments, and stop by when you might like to sit down with a cup of coffee or a nice tea and do some of your own reflecting. Sometimes we need that in life. For me, reflecting helps me to do a better job at moving forward once I've come to terms with what's already happened. That is not to say I understand it all. There's plenty that I am certain I never will. And I'm realizing more and more that...well - sometimes, I just don't NEED to understand it all.
All I need to know right now is... it's Friday and...I'm in love.
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