Are you like me? Do you always want answers?
Well, I'm here to tell you, they are not as easy to come by as one might think.
But, I'm gradually learning (veeeeeerry gradually, sometimes painfully slow) that you don't always need an answer. In fact, really, you don't always need the questions! I am a pretty firm believer in questioning things. I think that's one great way we grow and learn. But there's a point where the only place questions get you is STUCK. Unable to move forward. And that's not growing at all.
I told you that there was a voice that I heard. It gave me some insights into my questions. A few different voices, actually. I started reading, and throughout the book rose a few points that resonated with me and have been a solid stepping stone in this upward climb.
The first thing my readings reminded me of is something super simple, but so often is something that's been hard for me personally and daily needing focus correction on it. That is, we only have the NOW...that is the place we need to live in. In conjunction with that, sometimes it's necessary to fall before you can rise up. That's a theme that I think many can understand, and it's one that's seen throughout history - reality and fiction and everything in between.
Secondly, or thirdly?...We as humans are so quick to jump into judging a situation, labeling it and then wanting an immediate response and solution. Resolution, solution - they sound like a good thing to want, right? Well...not if we rush into it to the extent that we miss out on the experience and what we were intended to learn from it. Bing! That's me! And in this particular, as well as a number of other situations in my life this past year, I'd become so focused on resolution and closure and making sure everything is crystal clear that I am not even thinking about where it was meant to take me!
I don't need to grasp it all. There will always been some doubt, some things unsure, contradictions and other seemingly negative parts that may not be truly negative at all. But whatever happens, I will not rush to resolve it all. When I think I could be rushing to resolve a problem, I could actually be rushing to miss out on important processes of learning.
Essentially, I'm learning to accept. Simply accept. This is life. What happens to me or around me are not things that I can always control. And when things don't go my way, crossing my arms and stomping my feet haven't seemed to work out too well.
Ego. Isn't that the man we find behind the curtain after so many of our downfalls? The author Richard Rohr wrote, "I have prayed for years for one good humiliation a day, and then I must watch my reaction to it." Isn't THAT an amazing way to look into the mirror?! And such a bold petition! On that same topic of ego, I heard a message on pride recently. I knew something would jump out at me with a topic like that so I listened intently and jotted down notes until I heard what I needed to hear.
Pride is not trusting God, not fearing God,...okay okay, yes, check, got it. Pride is living for the praise of man and trying to build our reputation. Hmm. Wow. If I'm following the One who "made himself of no reputation"...why would I need to be concerned with that? Do I want a good name, yes. Do I want to live in a way to positively affect other people, Oooh yes. Do I need to concern myself with how everyone looks at me or hears me? No.
But wait! How am I supposed to positively affect others and love if I'm not concerned about what they think of me? Balance. The problem appears when that concern is more out of self interest. There will always be those who don't get me, even people I thought should or would. I can only do so much, and then I need to let it go. It goes right along with what I said earlier about being overly concerned about everything needing resolution.
Balance. It's all about balance. Learning that life is not a straight line. Life is full of contradictions. Confusion. Suffering, necessary and the opposite. Love and lost love. Reason and Faith. Without both halves, it's no journey I want to be on. No destination I want to travel to. It's not really LIVING!
My questions are still there. I still want answers. Hanging onto my immature concerns. I have quite a way to go, but I'll walk, maybe take the scenic route and search for that deeper journey.
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